Idiosynocracy
New Member
What's better than a rose on your Piano?
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Tulips on your Organ!
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Tulips on your Organ!
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The wife's back on the warpath again.
Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie,
and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
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My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them.
It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
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I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night,
or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
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After both suffering from depression for awhile,
the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday.
But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better.
So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!
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I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
I panicked. I didn't know what to do.
Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
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The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
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My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!".
As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
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I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom.
It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
Abstinence
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Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church. "That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
yea there is some good stuff out thereMe and the payroll manager are crying here. lol
Hahaha... I got 9, 9 and 7. The last test I guessed all the lady boys but thought some of the ladies were a tad masculine so lost points there
My wife's opinion is the better you score the more likely that you have learnt from experience... not sure where I fit into that equation
hope to see a little white stuff when we go to NY in December...could not handle it more than probably a week though!!This is def where I live.....
hope to see a little white stuff when we go to NY in December...could not handle it more than probably a week though!!