DakinechicK
Active Member
^^^^^^^^^^ This one seriously made me laugh out loud. Who knew such a simple joke would be so funnY! 
Thank you ChucK!
Thank you ChucK!
-
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[NSFW] This is a bar. Tell me a joke. [NSFW]
- Thread starter BrueThru
- Start date
CrazyCawi
New Member
WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED
A priest and a Rabbi were sitting down for lunch, they both look outside and see a little boy walking down the side walk.
The priest says "I sure would like to screw that boy"
and the Rabbi says "Out of what?"
_____________________
A jewish pedophile says to a little girl "Hey little girl, want to BUY a piece of candy?"
_____________________
my company owners are jewish so I hear the jokes all day lol
A priest and a Rabbi were sitting down for lunch, they both look outside and see a little boy walking down the side walk.
The priest says "I sure would like to screw that boy"
and the Rabbi says "Out of what?"
_____________________
A jewish pedophile says to a little girl "Hey little girl, want to BUY a piece of candy?"
_____________________
my company owners are jewish so I hear the jokes all day lol
- Thread starter
- #23
This is an international forum. I refuse to believe that Americans are the only population on the planet that tells jokes...and very few it seems from this thread.
Xfactor evo
New Member
Well since dude broke the ice with the bad jokes...
What is black 18" long and makes a woman cry?
Crib death.
What is the definition of love?
What a woman feels when i am screwing her.
What is black 18" long and makes a woman cry?
Crib death.
What is the definition of love?
What a woman feels when i am screwing her.
Michael Wilson
New Member
Your laying in bed naked with a super hot girl on one side and a gay guy on the other side. Who do you turn your back to?
!!!!!DON'T READ IF EASILY OFFENDED!!!!
(only works if other people start telling jew jokes)
When people start with jew jokes reply,
"Dude thats f***ed up! My grandfather died in the holocaust!" (pause to make them feel bad) When someone starts to apologize say, "ya he feel out of a guard tower"
!!!!!DON'T READ IF EASILY OFFENDED!!!!
(only works if other people start telling jew jokes)
When people start with jew jokes reply,
"Dude thats f***ed up! My grandfather died in the holocaust!" (pause to make them feel bad) When someone starts to apologize say, "ya he feel out of a guard tower"
FZ6R29708
New Member
Scarlett O'Hara leaves Tara and visits a relative in New York City. Never having been a big city, she's amazed by how different life up there is from the plantation that her father owns. After a month of being up north, she returns home with all kinds of stories. One afternoon, on the veranda, she's talking to her closest friend, and telling her about her experiences.
"Why, Jenny, up there in New York, there are men who kiss other men."
Jenny gasps, and has a look of disbelief on her face, and says "Really?"
Scarlett replies "yes" and they are called "homosexuals."
Scarlett continues: "And, Jenny, there are women that kiss other women!" Jenny is clearly flustered by this. Scarlett explains that these women are called "lesbians."
Lastly, Scarlett tells Jenny: "And you certainly won't believe this, but up there in New York, there are men that will kiss a woman.... between the legs."
Jenny is shocked by this, and exclaims "What are these men called?!?"
Scarlett, with a dreamy look replies: "Why, I declare, I called them precious."
"Why, Jenny, up there in New York, there are men who kiss other men."
Jenny gasps, and has a look of disbelief on her face, and says "Really?"
Scarlett replies "yes" and they are called "homosexuals."
Scarlett continues: "And, Jenny, there are women that kiss other women!" Jenny is clearly flustered by this. Scarlett explains that these women are called "lesbians."
Lastly, Scarlett tells Jenny: "And you certainly won't believe this, but up there in New York, there are men that will kiss a woman.... between the legs."
Jenny is shocked by this, and exclaims "What are these men called?!?"
Scarlett, with a dreamy look replies: "Why, I declare, I called them precious."
Dunkirk
New Member
OK. Non-American offering this one.
This 80 year old man and his wife went to their doctor, seeking to have a baby. They have been hearing about these advances in reproductive technology.
The doctor gives the man a specimen jar, and tells him to get a semen sample.
Well first, the man uses his left hand…
Then the man uses his right hand…
Then the wife uses her left hand…
Then the wife uses her right hand…
Then she took out her dentures and uses her mouth….
But they still couldn’t get the specimen jar opened.
This 80 year old man and his wife went to their doctor, seeking to have a baby. They have been hearing about these advances in reproductive technology.
The doctor gives the man a specimen jar, and tells him to get a semen sample.
Well first, the man uses his left hand…
Then the man uses his right hand…
Then the wife uses her left hand…
Then the wife uses her right hand…
Then she took out her dentures and uses her mouth….
But they still couldn’t get the specimen jar opened.
Hethrir
New Member
Whats the difference between a hippie and a hockey player? hockey player showers after three periods.
what do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
what has 7 arms and sucks? Def leppard.
I wish i had emo grass, so it could cut itself.
what do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
what has 7 arms and sucks? Def leppard.
I wish i had emo grass, so it could cut itself.
ChUcK
New Member
Here's a joke for you-
My golf swing.
My golf swing.
karl213
New Member
Kinda of crude,
How do you piss off a female archeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask what period it came from.
How do you piss off a female archeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask what period it came from.
Xfactor evo
New Member
I am a correctional officer at the jail and heard this one which made me laugh until i thought he might not be joking...
My ex told me i was a pedophile. I told her that was a big word for an 11 year old.
My ex told me i was a pedophile. I told her that was a big word for an 11 year old.
Reminds me of one of my favorites.
A lawyer, a rabbi and a Catholic priest are caught in a burning orphanage. The rabbi screams, "We have to save the children!" The lawyer yells out, "Oh, screw the children!" The priest replies, "Do you think we have time?"
dirklay
New Member
2 drunks
2 drunks are staggering down an alley one night, and see this mangy dog licking its balls. The first guy says "wish I could do that." The second guy says "I think you better pet him first."
2 drunks are staggering down an alley one night, and see this mangy dog licking its balls. The first guy says "wish I could do that." The second guy says "I think you better pet him first."
ChUcK
New Member
So this dyslexic man walks into a bra...
CrazyCawi
New Member
you have the goofiest humor lol
PG-18...
Two man are having a bar chat one late night. So one ask the other "Have you done anything to spice up things with your wife lately?"
The other man answer: "Yes, we were doing..."the thing" and just as I was about to blow the "fuse" I took my hand gun and shot in the air. She got scare and her muscle tight up... it was sooo good!
The first man reply.... I gotta try that this week.
So the following weekend the same two man are sitting at the same bar...
So the second man ask the first one."Did you end up trying my "thing"
The first man reply: "ya, but it when all wrong! I was about ready to blow the horn and grab the gun then shot in the air just like you said"
Man 2: So how was it?
Man 1: She bite my willy and $hit in my face!
Two man are having a bar chat one late night. So one ask the other "Have you done anything to spice up things with your wife lately?"
The other man answer: "Yes, we were doing..."the thing" and just as I was about to blow the "fuse" I took my hand gun and shot in the air. She got scare and her muscle tight up... it was sooo good!
The first man reply.... I gotta try that this week.
So the following weekend the same two man are sitting at the same bar...
So the second man ask the first one."Did you end up trying my "thing"
The first man reply: "ya, but it when all wrong! I was about ready to blow the horn and grab the gun then shot in the air just like you said"
Man 2: So how was it?
Man 1: She bite my willy and $hit in my face!
ChUcK
New Member
This one is for you, MadMike:
An old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
.
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
"It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
.
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
"You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
.
Finally the young lady said,
"You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean, no sex since 1955! Come with me."
.
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare chest and said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch,
"I hope not; it's only 2130 now."
An old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
.
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
"It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
.
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
"You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
.
Finally the young lady said,
"You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean, no sex since 1955! Come with me."
.
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare chest and said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch,
"I hope not; it's only 2130 now."
ChUcK
New Member
OK guys, it's time for a sing-a-long song.
Hellen Keller went to town
Ridin' on a pony
Stuck a feather in her cap
And called it mmuhhh...
Hellen Keller went to town
Ridin' on a pony
Stuck a feather in her cap
And called it mmuhhh...
CrazyCawi
New Member
omg im laughing like crazy and certainly going to hell now :innocent: