What should a father do?

[AFDavis11]

All good replies, and I don't have much of a chance for a similar predicament. But, as a fledgling forum member I feel compelled to weigh in. I say, do as you plan, but also I suggest you soon start pushing the agenda that he is 19 and needs to start making decisions, and paying for them, on his own.

I like the MSF course and perhaps the insistence on quality riding gear. Also, Dad's should provide the practical advice . . . tire replacement alone will ofset any assumed cost savings, some bikes get poor gas milage, hospital bills, insurance, safety gear, etc. are not cheap.

I guess part of my point is that if he can't figure out a way to do it correctly on his own he must not want it all that badly.

I did it at 19 with no problems and no MSF (unfortunately), but I did it on my own and asked no one for permission. I didn't ask for permission to go into the military or to go to college either. On the other hand, I am supporting the wife's brother, at 28, and he can't seem to even make dinner without help and permission. It's like a societal crutch tied to this generation.

 

[yellowfz]

My wife and our 4 children (2 girls and 2 boys) , all rode dirt bikes together , so my children didn't have to ask we did it as a family . :thumbup: Camping out at the track or cycle park , eating hot dogs over a open fire , marshmallow Smores , bonding as a family , that was the life . Suppose that is why they respect me not fear me .
And yes they got hurt , not badly , but for the most part they were good riders .

 

[KeysRider3]

I wouldn't do something I would object to my children doing. Like most young men he admires his father, and wants to do what Dad does. Riding together could be a great father-son activity now that you're both older, and having Dad along as a "monitor" could help Mom get over (through) some of the anxiety she has PROBABLY about not only her son, but her husband too! Like you (hint, hint) he has to complete the class, and wear the gear. Happy trails to you both.

 

[Doncan]

If you say no, you are telling him that you don't trust him and/or he is not good enough to ride one. Especially since you ride a motorcycle. He is an adult already and it would be prefereable that you help him, take him to the lessons and talk to him about the responsability and risks of riding. Better than he doing it anyways on your back. Every method of transportation has risks, even if you drive a tank.

 

[leem00]

I would vote no, make him pay for the bike but require him to take the course first and pay for the gear too. Buying him all the stuff doesn't teach resposnibility.

Its kind of how I learned, took the class, bought a 450, bought the gear.

 

[BoneJj]

I'm going to say get him a used Hyundai accent instead, he's going to need to carry books and all kind of other stuff back and forth to the campus. I'm going back to school myself and there are plenty of other kids around there that just act stupid on the bikes.

On a campus there are far too many opportunities for a young man to forget how to act and do something stupid. Yeah a 250 doesn't have a lot of power but it has enough to get him into trouble with a quickness. I would say that you should consider a bike for him but limit his riding ability for the first year. Also consider a used bike as his first, that way if it goes down it's not that much of a loss and if he beats on it when you aren't looking then you'll not be spending much in the total, just pick a used bike carefully and take your time.

As for limiting his riding, only allow him to take to school one or 2 days a week, the rest he should be driving a regular car. If you catch him doing anything stupid, make sure you take the keys for a few month, i'll make him think, that and make sure you stress to him how much it concerns you that he be safe.

We can't say 100% what you should do with your son as we don't know the kid. It's a hard decision that's for sure. I personally would require him to take both the basic course and advanced courses as well before allowing him on a bike. Also if he screws up make him pay out of his own pocket to retake or take another safety class for bikes. That's a good discipline right there.

Basically police the hell out him, make him work to ride and if he really wants to keep it up then he'll make the effort.

Also there are plenty of GPS devices that can be installed that you could use to watch his speeds and routes. This will keep him in check and you can check to see if he's being stupid at anytime you like for that extra piece of mind.

19 is an age of stupidity, lmao. You know the dumb shit you did at that age and you know the dumb shit your friends did at that age.... lol. Hell, I was in the military and lived with a bunch of men and we had bikes and vehicles and I'm still amazed that with all the testosterone, adrenaline and pure stupidity I don't know how we all made it out of that time alive, aside from those of us that died overseas... but that's a whole other story.

 

[Mr Citrus]

I saved for a year and a half for my bike, bought my msf class and my gear. After I passed the class, my parents reimbursed me for the cost of the gear and registering the bike. ( A very pleasant suprise!) I would make him invest something. There isn't a day I don't walk out there and marvel at how this thing is 'mine'

footnote, I didn't read all 7 pages, so I could be commenting on something 4 pages back. In any case, here's a picture of a tomato

 

[BoneJj]

I quit reading after page 1. I voted no. He should get his own bike...or his own car...or own mode of transportation. He's 19. If you get it for him, he won't take care of it or appreciate it like he would if he paid-for/earned it. Are you paying for college too? Your son will thank you later if you tell him he needs to save for it and get it himself.

that is sooooooo true!!!!!

 

[2011FZ6R]

There's nothing wrong with him being 19 and wanting a bike, ultimately if he wants one he will get one. You HAVE to start somewhere.

I got my FZ6R last year when I was 16. I paid for it, paid for the MSF class, paid for my gear, pay for my gas, paid for my new tires, all that. I ride responsibly (i've rode with a few members on here before) and I think age shouldn't be a deciding factor in this. If you think he can handle the responsibility and will be respectful of the bike, then you should support him.

 

[vengeance44]

ok even if you decide to tell him no and then he goes off and buys a bike on his own he obviously isnt gonna respect the bike if he isnt gonna respect his parents decision good way to judge character ppl deny something to someone and see if they go do it anyways

 

[Bloke]

I got told no for years, after my dad had owned a bike. As I lived at home still, I respected their wishes.

So I did the only thing I could do at the time which was start cycling everywhere.

Then aged 22 I came off my road bike on a dual carriageway doing about 35mph.

I was wearing combats and a short sleeved rugby shirt.

The impact removed all skin on one side of my left forearm and tore through my flesh to the bone on my elbow. I required physio and was very lucky I didn't need a skin graft it took months to heal.

Laying on a hospital bed with my mum looking sick with worry and me being delirious with shock I remember her saying

"well at least you were not on a motorbike, could have been alot worse"

the reply was something along the lines of

"if I'm going to hurt myself cycling, at least on a motorbike i'd be wearing protective clothing"

Didn't run in to any opposition after that. Had to promise to always wear bike gear, but I had their blessing. Accidents happen, it's all about being prepared for them.

Just an idea, you cann tell a lot about a person by the order in which they buy stuff.

It should be gear - training - bike. If he bits the bike first, he's got his priorites all wrong.

And don't buy it for him, if he wants it... He buys it. Don't think i'd ever have asked my parents to buy me any transport, it's just too big an ask in monetary terms and if it's against what you and your wife want then say no.

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[kevin8198]

This is an old thread so not sure if it's been said or what conclusion you came to, but. There are tracking devices you can put in cars or bikes that notify you when someone is going over the speed limit and such things. You could look into that and if you get him the bike tell him it's installed and if he drives like an idiot you are taking the bike back. That may be a little out there but it's the first thing I thought of when reading your thread.

 

[BoneJj]

First: thanks to everyone for your help!
as i wrote in my previous post we made a decision based mostly on the answers we got here. who said STALL? thank you!
1> first we'll get him a new car
2> if he still wants a bike after that we'll enroll him in the MSF course. He cant get on any bike before that!
3> after he gets his endorsement if he still wants the bike he'll have to save some money and we'll help him to buy it ($$ or loan co-singn)
and again, thank you guys!

This was his decision earlier.

This is an old thread so not sure if it's been said or what conclusion you came to, but. There are tracking devices you can put in cars or bikes that notify you when someone is going over the speed limit and such things. You could look into that and if you get him the bike tell him it's installed and if he drives like an idiot you are taking the bike back. That may be a little out there but it's the first thing I thought of when reading your thread.

Yeah, I was talking about that previously and I think it was mentioned earlier in the thread as well. Something like this will cost you monthly but it's worth every penny. It will help him to think twice before he acts and it'll keep mom and dad at peace or keep him off of a bike that he's being stupid on...

There are several devices out there right now that do this as well. BestBuy actually sells like 3 different kinds of these. There are apps for smart phones as well but I don't know that they do the speed tracking, I know that they will let parents know where their kids are though. Google latitude is a good way to keep track of where your kid is. I put my brothers phone in my nephews pocket when we all go places and leave latitude on, that way if he gets separated from us I can track him pretty good... lol.

 

[leprecaun jon]

my dad was the same way.... my step dad is still the same way.... and he is the reason i dont have a a bike to this point. I have been riding dirt bikes since i was 9... i started playing paintball when i was 13..... none of which he supported... but learned to accept... road bikes he just isnt budging on..... my father rather me ride dirt but doesnt seem so bothered by me buying a bike..... when i turned 16... i was offed a older yamaha fazor for free.... my step dad said if i got the bike he was going to kick me out...... in the end he kicked me out any way and in the end im going to buy a bike any way.... im 21 now and no longer live under his roof..... do the smart think and teach your boy right.... teach him how to be safe, take him to MSF.... because in the end he will do it him self at some point.... its more dangerous for him to do it behind your back or on his own than it is to insure that he learns right and safe the first time...

shit happens.... we all go down.... and the worst could happen but as motorcyclists we take that ris each and every day for the passion we love.... ill ride till i die and if i die on my bike i die doing something i love and thank the lord for taking me when im happiest and at peace... where i best know my self..... just know you can die at any time it doesnt matter how safe you are or what your doing..... god does his bidding on his time... not our own time...

on another note motorcycles account for 6% of total automotive accidents in the US.... 80% of those are not fatal......2 in every 1000 riders die every year....20% of accidents each year are caused by drunk drivers..... the other 80% are sober.... ( just some facts from the DMV).....cars amount for more than 80% of road fatalities... yes motorcycles are dangerous and yes they can be more dangerous.... but they are less fatal than a car.....


edit: i note that im a little late but none the less heres my 2 cents

 

[BrueThru]

I didn't read all 73 posts.

I can't speak with any experience as a father (because I'm not) but I do have experience as a son.

When I was 16 I came home one day on a CB 650. I had bought it with my own money without "permission" from my parents. I hadn't even thought to ask permission. Different times I guess.

Dad didn't even protest...he just said be careful. That was it.

A while later (I was 17 I think) I was irresponsible and partied a bit too much and did 4 end over ends after going over an 8 foot drop off into a field.

I walked away without a scratch.

I have done many more moronic things since then as well...yet I am still alive. Blind luck, Devine intervention, karma...pick your poison.

Now that I am who I am I look back and just shake my head reflecting on how stupid I was back then.

Your son will most likely do what he wants to in the end. Just be supportive, lend good advise and let him travel his own path. Hopefully he's a lot smarter than I was at that age.

Good luck. :thumb up:

 

[BrueThru]

I didn't read all 73 posts.

I can't speak with any experience as a father (because I'm not) but I do have experience as a son.

When I was 16 I came home one day on a CB 650. I had bought it with my own money without "permission" from my parents. I hadn't even thought to ask permission. Different times I guess.

Dad didn't even protest...he just said be careful. That was it.

A while later (I was 17 I think) I was irresponsible and partied a bit too much and did 4 end over ends after going over an 8 foot drop off into a field.

I walked away without a scratch.

I have done many more moronic things since then as well...yet I am still alive. Blind luck, Devine intervention, karma...pick your poison.

Now that I am who I am, I look back and just shake my head reflecting on how stupid I was back then.

Your son will most likely do what he wants to in the end. Just be supportive, lend good advise and let him travel his own path. Hopefully he's a lot smarter than I was at that age.

Good luck. :thumbup:

 

[motoneta123]

i got him a little 05 chevy cavalier, and he found it amusing to learn how to drive a standard and it seems to keep him busy so far

 

[BoneJj]

i got him a little 05 chevy cavalier, and he found it amusing to learn how to drive a standard and it seems to keep him busy so far

not a bad little car, how is that on mileage? I was expecting something a little different like a hyundai accent or something of that nature but the cavalier should do fairly decent and parts will be cheap enough when it needs fixing.

EDIT: looked on edmunds and it says - EPA mileage est. (cty/hwy): 23/33 mpg

Not too bad but could be better. I'm sure you got a pretty good deal on it though so it could take some time to make up the difference in mileage. If he keeps it under 70 and doesn't play with the gas he should be able to see numbers over 33mpg. My car is rated 18-24 and I'm currently getting 25 average. Just be sure to give it a little tune up with some plugs, wires, rotor and cap and it should be good. I think 05s still have a rotor and cap. also the filters and fluids...

Are you still considering a bike for him or what's your line of thinking at this point?

You could GPS his car and see how he does with speed limits in the car first... lol.

 

[dcBear78]

I think you should continue to wrap him in cotton wool, spoon feed and wipe his bum for him while you are at it.

Sorry.... I am Australian and we use irony to make points. At some point we need to let our kids play in the dirt, make their own mistakes and grow as people. Teach common sense to limit those mistakes. But he is 19 so that is, what 3 years of driving experience already?

 

[Bloke]

I think you should continue to wrap him in cotton wool, spoon feed and wipe his bum for him while you are at it.

Sorry.... I am Australian and we use irony to make points. At some point we need to let our kids play in the dirt, make their own mistakes and grow as people. Teach common sense to limit those mistakes. But he is 19 so that is, what 3 years of driving experience already?

Sounds like 0 years of driving experience, considering his parents have to buy him a car.

he's 19, why the heck isn't he able to live under his own roof and buy his own bike/car?

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