What should a father do?

[motoneta123]

Oh, he has a car, I don't know most of my post probably still applies lol

of course your post still applies! the point still is: he wants to ride, it's not that he has to but he wants to, that's why i wonder: if i say no will he do it on his own 2 years down the road? wouldn't it be better if to tutor him? or try to chase the idea away from him? he had his license for about 2 years, 1 speeding ticket, 1 crash and i suspect he may drive faster than he should when i'm not around

 

[Chucker]

In 1981, I was 17 and wanted a bike badly. I didn't have the money to get one myself, but also didn't feel right asking my dad for money. One day, dad asked me if I saw anything in the classifieds, because he knew I regularly looked. I said,"There's one, but it's more than I can afford." He shocked the crap out of me when he said "Let's go look at it." It was in good shape and was exactly what I was looking for, a Honda XL250. He shocked me again when he made a deal and bought it. On the way home he laid out the payment plan to pay him back.

Dad taught me how to ride, gave me all the pointers he knew from his days of riding, and made sure I understood the dangers other drivers (cars) posed. He knew I'd end up with a bike sooner or later, so figured he'd be a part of it in hopes he could have a significant amount of influence. It worked. A year later, he helped me buy a brand new Honda CX500 Custom.

I had my share of trouble over the next few years, including a few brushes with death. None of them involved my bike.

Your son's an adult and is responsible for his actions. I'm sure you've done your best to prepare him for life so far. If he's going to get into trouble or put his life at risk, he'll do it with or without a bike.

I'm not comfortable telling you what I think you should do as I don't have to live with that decision. I just thought I'd share my story for some perspective. I can tell you when my son comes to me telling me he wants a bike, and I'm sure that day will come, my answer will be based on what he's proven to me so far with respect to his sensibility and responsibility.

 

[Sparkxx1]

of course your post still applies! the point still is: he wants to ride, it's not that he has to but he wants to, that's why i wonder: if i say no will he do it on his own 2 years down the road? wouldn't it be better if to tutor him? or try to chase the idea away from him? he had his license for about 2 years, 1 speeding ticket, 1 crash and i suspect he may drive faster than he should when i'm not around

I think you should tutor him, he may end up hurt if he doesn't understand the responsibilities. I agree with Anthony, make him pay for it. He won't want to wreck it if he paid for it . My father honestly did the same thing with me. I never thought he would get me a bike, I never thought we would even go see it! He got it but I'll be paying every single cent back because I like that bike so much.

 

[2010FZ6R White Lightning]

ill spare you the sop story of my childhood but my real father bailed when i was born and i grew up on a farm and my stepdad had a old cr400 dirtbike or something, and i was 7 trying to ride that but couldnt even reach the controls lol 2 weeks later my grandparents and parents pulled together and got me a new cr70 and i was keeping up in every corner and raced competitively for years on dirt bikes till i moved to town. i say give your son a chance. the younger he learns the sooner he will be more experienced.

 

[redwing-2001]

Honestly, I didn't vote. This is not something the community can vote on, for you. It comes down to knowing your kid. How long has he had a drivers license? Has he gotten any tickets yet? When he says I'm going to blah and back, how long does it take him to get there. Is he is a regular speeder? Does he talk on his cell and text while driving? These are all questions you have to ask yourself. If more than one are yes then you have a red flag I would lean to no. But you might just sit down and really try to make him understand that a bike is no joke.

Then after you recognize whether or not he is mature and responsible enough for a bike ask yourself and your son a second question. What are the advantages and disadvantages commuting in a car and in on a bike. Are there tolls that charge less for a bike, is there traffic along the way that you could split lane or ride on the shoulder to avoid. Is there enough parking at work/school that he wouldn't have much trouble getting to class in a car. A good question to ask yourselves will be, where are you going to fit your notebooks and textbooks. As a Junior in college sometimes I have to take heavy ass physics and math textbooks and i'll need two hard side cases for the bike for the fall semester. Do you guys have the financial means to pay for all these extras?

In my case I live in NYC, not only would I have to pay 12 dollars in toll a day to go to classes by car, but the traffic is unbelievable and finding parking in a car would take me 30 minutes to an hour in some cases. On a bike it would cost be 4 bucks of toll, which is equivalent to public transportation cost, plus theres tons of spots to put a bike. Also, does he have lots of friends? He might want to take into account that in a bike you can't just get on with 4 buddies and ride away to somewhere! College is about hanging out and study groups! If he has a girlfriend, is he ready to buy her gear and take her life into his hands?

Godspeed if you decide he can get a bike, my parents allowed me to get mine and sometimes I do find that I have to really restrain myself. As for the cold months on a bike, my school has a break from December 20th- February first so I can stay at home for most of the winter break. Or just use the buses/subway in NYC. Plus I can use public transportation for 2-3 months while it gets warm from February to march and also at the end of November. A bike also saves me an hour of transportation each way! that's two hours a day that I can sleep, study, or enjoy.

A good compromise might be I know you want a motorcycle, but right now you and I both know that a car would be an easier, better, and a more responsible compromise. Lets get you a car but we'll also take the MSF course and you can start practicing with my motorcycle. After a couple of months or when you graduate from college I'll try my hardest to pay for a motorcycle you would like. or we could get you a 250 in a year, etc.

Although you want to protect him, he has to get out there and explore. You can't experience life from a backseat. You gotta get in the drivers seat, take responsibility and take charge. Before you decide consider all the angles!

What's my source? I'm a 21 yr old college student that was having the same dilemma as him approximately 2 months ago. Not to say that the battle to convince my parents didn't take more than 6 months!

conditional delayed gratification - I like it.

 

[roundhouse]

I voted NO. Your wife does not want him to have a bike. You two have to agree on this issue.
I could write a book about my getting a bike and another when my daughter called me and said "Hey dad I'm going to buy a bike!".
But your son lives at home with you and your wife. There are cars that are almost as economical as the bikes we ride.
Anson
sorry son you'll have to wait.

as a parent of a teen as well. i agree. if Momma is not happy, nobody is happy.

 

[redwing-2001]

ok, now my 2 pennies:
print all of these replies and sit down with your wife and son and hash it out. Come to a consensus, not a vote. some really great insights and perspectives above.

 

[ChUcK]

I believe that if he wants it badly enough he will make it happen on his own. You have taught him how to be his own man, let him prove it to you.

 

[Sage]

If he wants it bad enough he will eventually get one. I think you should let him get one but as a family decision and teach him the right way. I got my first moto when I turned 18, I wanted one since I got my liscense at 16 and both of my parents were against it. My grandpa on my mom's side grew up dirt track racing and riding on the street and was for it. I finally suggested the MSF course and forced my dad to take it with me and it broke him down a bit and my mom said no until i took the class.

If you get him the right training and track of mind to not be stupid and to wear the proper gear, I see no problem in it. But in the end it will come down to what you think about the matter, not this forum

 

[RoadTrip]

I have a nephew (17) that wants a bike, but he hasn't even learned to drive yet. Now, we have done longboarding down steep hills, and dirt jumping on bicycles, so we like risky sports.

I graduated to a motorcycle this Christmas, so that only increased his enthusiasm to have one. But, I refuse to take part in getting him onto a bike, guess who would get blamed if he crashed?

However, if he were my son, I might have more control over the situation and could see a possible method of training him safely.

1) Ninja 250
2) No commuting, only weekend rides for first 5000 miles
3) You keep the bike in your possession
4) Ride with him and evaluate, demonstrate by example, discuss how riding can be fun without going triple digit and taking big risks
5) Helmet - always helmet
6) Wife, she would have to agree to the method, but I would simply state your case and not push it, it would have to be something she agreed to on her own.

Riding motorcycles is unbelievably fun (duh), kids want to be cool and do fun stuff (duh), I think once your head is on straight about safe riding and not being impulsive or reckless then riding can be somewhat safe.

The other route would be to simply say 'No', and say 'we are against it, and we cannot endorse something that might get you killed' - this may shed you of your guilt in case of an accident, but you may lose your opportunity to assist him in the training.

It's not an easy call, many parents have suffered with lost children, but the key is gear and training to reduce the risks - oh yeah, and did I say it is really, really fun.

 

[NoDoze]

Here's what I think in conjunction with everyone else's good ideas:

• MSF and other safety courses
• Study his car driving ability (follows rules and regulation, anticipation, coolness and good decision making) because this translates to moto driving.
• Give him the responsibility - payments and insurance
• Compromise and tier his learning - if it's not too far and safe enough, start him on a scooter and then graduate him to a 250, 500, so forth and so on. He'll appreciate and respect power when he gets to it (throttle control and maturity).

Again, like everyone has said, it comes down to you and your family's decision. We are just here to provide an insight on what's ideal to us

 

[Patek86]

Even though I have not met your son and that this is ultimately your decision, I would suggest the following:

Before you make any decision, have him get his permit and sign up for a Motorcycle training course. I would also suggest that you sign up with him (although you already know how to ride it would be a nice weekend to spend with him and you see first hand how he rides.) This class will also let him decide if he really enjoys riding or not. I took the course with a friend of mine, I loved it and he didn't. We both have our motorcycle license, but he never bought a bike.

If he does well in the class and enjoyed it, then get him a bike. If you do it with him and help him along the way, it allows you to have some control or influence on what he buys.

I would stay away from telling him flat out no or coming up with a list of rules that he has to follow. He's 19 and especially with going to college, he has a sense and need of being independent. If you make him feel like he is 16 again, he will probably won't go along with it. And because he's an adult, he can always do this without you.

And I agree with some of the others in saying that you should probably get your wife on board, because the house shouldn't be divided on this issue.

Motorcycles are dangerous and there is always a risk of getting hurt, but that shouldn't be the only reason you say no.

Good luck

 

[Marthy]

At the end of the day he might do whatever he wants... That human nature. Remember when you were his age. As a parent, even if it's hard, you need to respect those decision. Now the important thing is to show him the right way to do it. Proper gears, etiquette, attitude and most important know the limits and the consequence of his decision.

As rider, whatever ages, we all know the risks and if we ride. That's part of the learning curve.

Now the place where you jump in... Don't buy a liter bike. Get him a nice Supermoto. Yammy and Honda have a nice 250 or so. Should be fast enough for freeway and plenty of good control. Like most of us, we learn on dirt bike!

I start riding at 6 yo. Couldn't be easy for my parents... But my dad show me the right way...

 

[elikhom]

Up to you.

I wouldn't go against the wifey wishes on this one, but that's just me.

 

[MikeN02]

Being around your son's age (I'm 20) I vote yes. He's an adult, you can't protect him forever, you can only steer him in the right path.

I've been riding/getting into motorcycles for a little over a year now and I don't regret it one bit. My best friend got into them the same time I did and it started out because his dad got back into it (25 years of "rest").

If I were you I'd rather try to control him to be safe by setting guidelines, take the MSF course, proper gear, All the Gear all the time, and just generally riding with him until he's used to it.

It's a great bonding hobby I can tell you that much. I bonded with my best friend's dad, now we're great buddies and always talk/work on our bikes together.

And for the record, my best friend's dad didn't want him to start on anything big either, so he opted for the newer Ninja 250R's. He still rides it but when he's in town he rides his dad's ZX6-R.

 

[motoneta123]

Up to you.

I wouldn't go against the wifey wishes on this one, but that's just me.[/QUOTE
of course! i':rant:ll never go against mom! i learned that the hard way hahaha

 

[Fugu]

You can pay for MSF and not the bike. You could even buy the safety gear if he buys a bike. You still get to provide good security and safety and it can give him a way to feel it out if he wants to work for one. I think bikes are about freedom and if you pay for it he will not get to be free. I got my license when I was 18 and I've had it for 8 years. I'm glad I didn't get a bike when I was 18. I was extremely responsible then but needed some more years to be ready for one. I commute to school and work on a bike (20,00 miles so far) and honestly it takes a certain mental attitude to be able to live without a car. It does have equally strong advantages and disadvantages. If he is concerned about impressing girls it is true that bikes help but they tend to have no interest when they hear you don't have a car as well. If passengers want to ride you need spare gear as well and I know of few people who want to be riders/passengers in the rain. If you get him an old car and gear and he could get a bike; a little of both. College can be the easiest time to get a bike; you don't have a lot of stuff to lug around and few responsibilities, no kid to have to transport.

I can answer any questions about commuting for you or your son as I commute 365 days a year. Feel free to PM me. College is a time to learn and make mistakes. Get all the information so your mistakes are at least educated.

 

[SAFE-T]

I voted NO because he's under 25.

 

[Detrich]

Seems like an econo car would be a wiser choice. Riding a bike responsibly requires maturity that, unfortunately, most teenagers don't have. Plus, your wife gets 50% vote, and you already know where she stands.

 

[em21701]

I voted yes. I'll echo some of the sentiments already stated. MSF + gear + reasonable bike.

Here in RI you must pass the MSF basic rider course before you can get your permit, regardless of age, prior experience, etc. This maybe the only law we got right. I recommend the same rule apply in your house.

He should have proper gear before taking the course. If he starts with the proper gear, it feels wrong to ride without it. This applies to many things.

I started with a Ninja 500. This was an excellent beginner bike. They have a decent amount of power, but not enough to wheelie or spin the tire. Parts are cheap and plentiful due to the fact that the Kawasaki hasn't changed anything but the colors since '94. My wife is now logging seat time on it.

My son (6) wants a dirtbike in the worst way. If we had a place to ride one I would probably get him one. When he reaches driving age, my wife and I will probably let him get his motorcycle license if he wants it. I'm sure there will be stipulations that he only ride with a family member for a while, no passengers and no riding with other biker friends. The IQ of a group of teenage boys (and even some much older) is always less than that of the dumbest member. Take the time to teach him good habits (as I am sure you have done for the last 19 years) and you will be rewarded.