Annoying coworkers

[jjb]

I just got back from vacation today, and it seems I am taking a full broadside from all the annoying people who work near me... maybe I had grown numb to it before, and vacation re-sensitized me...

We have
Loud Phone Talker: You can hear this guy all the way across the office talking on his phone. Sir, if the person you are talking to can't hear you at normal levels, make sure you have the mouthpiece near your mouth. Also make sure that you are using a phone, and not two cups with string attached.

Socializer: Literally works his way down the line of cubicles informing everybody how smart he is and how him and his life is awesome. Bonus: this is my first pick for the employee that will go postal. I have my escape route plotted.

Cell Phone Talker: Similar to loud phone talker, but she is just right next to me so at normal volumes I can hear her. She runs some sort of animal rescue as well, and apparently needs to talk about it while at this job... so I get to hear about swollen dog testicles and excrement and similar things. Hooray.

Throat Clearer: This is a classic; he has been clearing his throat about every 5 minutes for the past 7 weeks. Additionally, he has started making this other sound, the only way I can describe it is a chiuahua trying to growl while choking on a chicken nugget.

Loud Talker/New Mother: Young mother who thinks everybody wants to hear about how she was up all night because her baby was crying. Again. I have no sympathy because A. I've heard it 500 times and B. you leave every 15 minutes to go to your special room to milk yourself, where I think you are actually just napping.

Incomepetent Underling: Yes you are relatively new. No I don't have time to do your work. Try to figure it out on your own first.

Annoying Wiener Kid: Don't interrupt my conversation with somebody else by repeating what I just said and adding "Whaaaat" to it. Also, you look like a wiener.

Sorry, just had to vent, and now I feel a little better

Anybody have any similar/different annoying coworkers?

 

[CrazyCawi]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHA I totally just pictured office space as you described all of them!

 

[Spunky99]

a chiuahua trying to growl while choking on a chicken nugget.

LOL....good one.....

I work with programmers so it's usually pretty quiet. I'm the one on the phone a lot for my job and that's why my cubicle is physically separated from everyone elses.

 

[Mr Citrus]

This is amazing.

 

[CrazyCawi]

This is amazing.

No. Your amazing. :spank:

 

[Deanohh]

How about the guy that no matter what it is, they have or have done the same thing.... only better.

 

[JSP]

How about the guy that no matter what it is, they have or have done the same thing.... only better.

I know a guy like that... buy my guy is worse.... (see what I did there) haha

 

[Diluted]

Damn one-uppers!

 

[AngryAnt]

LOL....good one.....

I work with programmers so it's usually pretty quiet. I'm the one on the phone a lot for my job and that's why my cubicle is physically separated from everyone elses.

Are you kidding me? Programmers are usually the worst (I can say this because I am one).

At my old job:

There were at least two people within 15 feet who were never taught "eat with your mouth closed". I literally bought a pair of $150 Bose headphones to drown them out, they eat like a pig all day at their desk. Best $150 I ever spent.

One guy who might well be the crotch-fruit of Rush Limbaugh and Billy Graham, and would go out of his way to start a political and/or religious argument about how much of a liberal heathen you were on any given day.

One guy I can literally hear him dropping a deuce from 50 feet away (thin bathroom walls, but still...ugh) - twice a day...everyday.

Yep, there's a throat-clearing guy too. And one that cries at work.

Another guy, like yours, is the "IT" guy among the programmers, and loves to show you how much he knows. Same guy also screams profanities at a barbaric level, WHILE I'm on a conference call with clients.

Needless to say, I don't miss that job. That's where my nickname 'AngryAnt' was coined, and by god, I earned it.

 

[Rookasaki]

B. you leave every 15 minutes to go to your special room to milk yourself, where I think you are actually just napping.

lol OMG!
That one is my favorite... I was dying. By the way, funniest thread to date!

 

[Sparkxx1]

I live in NYC so I know all about annoying people. This may not be workers, but there are three categories of people I detest:

1. Loud talker: Just because this is NYC and you're using your native language doesn't mean that you can talk about people or talk as loud as you'd like. Whether you're asian, brown, or hispanic, stop being a d***. And yeah they do it on purpose because my girlfriend has asked her bengali dad why he does it, and a couple of other people too. I'm hispanic and I hate the ghetto hicks who think they own the world.

2. Really slow people: Whether you're in the highway or on the street. If you're going to be going at snail speed in comparison to traffic, be courteous and just move to the side or use local roads. You're bound to cause accidents...

3. Rude people: This category is special, they like to stand in front of the train doors while people are exiting. They also like to hang out right smack at the entrance/exit of high traffic stores. Then when I proceed to shove/shoulder them out of the way, they get angry... The main offenders are "high-class" white and asian people. If I go to Chinatown (where there are awesome deals, thus multitude of poor/middle-class pedestrians) and shove my way past someone trying to get on the train while I'm getting off, guess what they don't mind cuz they know they shouldn't be so rude, but we both agree to have an IDGAF attitude.

 

[Cmltoe]

Anybody have any similar/different annoying coworkers?[/QUOTE]

Great thread! Your office sounds almost identical to mine but I also have:

1. Loud sneezer. There's no way I can explain how loud and obnoxious this sneeze is. People 5 rows over laugh everytime they hear it. It actually brightens my day but she was fired today so that's the end of that.

2. Socializer- my socializer is a 50 year old male, non heterosexual, hypochondriac who comes in every Monday, either talking about ectasy fueled orgys on cruise ships or going to watch Mary Poppins on Broadway after hemroid surgery (true stories).

3. Bad mom/bad wife/bad worker - She watches her 5 year old on a daycare cam all day, still gives her a binky (just had a dad moment there even using that term) and called her child's dentist today to ask if the dentist could leave a voicemail on their home phone, letting the child know that her teeth will fall out if she doesn't start brushing her teeth well. Then gets a call from her husband and starts cursing at him at the top of her lungs because he asked if she could pick up the child from daycare today.

Honorable mentions to the lady who falls asleep at in person meetings, the lady whose nips get hard while presenting, and the coworker who thinks bad traffic is justification for coming in two hours late EVERY day.

That was great therapy. Thank you again jjb!

 

[ChUcK]

Anybody have any similar/different annoying coworkers whaaaat?

 

[DragonBlu]

How about the guy that no matter what it is, they have or have done the same thing.... only better.

Oh! You mean my boss,steals my ideas and makes them his so he can look like he knows what he is doing. Just waiting to feed him a shit sandwitch one of these days and see if he can make that smell good. :spank:

 

[PhatPhizzixxer]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHA I totally just pictured office space as you described all of them!

I totally thought of that movie, too!

How about the person who wears too much perfume...enough to make your head spin & make you wanna hurl! OMG, there is this chick who wears THE most nauseous perfume!!! Bleh.

Also, the throat clearer...FOR SURE, we have one of those!!! Soooo annoying!

This one...the guy who comes into your office & starts talking to you...while you're on the phone!!! He gets the WTF look.

And, you guys don't have to deal with this, but the dudes who are always trying to look down your shirt...A LOT...phfffffffttt...a little bit - ok - too much is stalker-ish.

Sometimes, when you just heated up your awesome leftover steak for lunch, just getting ready to take the first bite & someone comes over to chat...dude, for real...this piece of meat totally comes first.

Ha ha ha...that's MY venting for the day...I feel better!

 

[Parcho]

Constant Nose Rubber:
I understand you have an itch. Maybe it's the forest you have growing in your nasal cavities. You laughed when I brought Lysol spray to our shared cubicle. I told you it was for the IT guy that always has 10 lbs of dirt and slime under his 1/4 long nails. Half truths are the best. Also, stop unbuttoning your pants and unzipping when you sit down. It's creepy as shit.

Dirty Finger IT Guy:
You type all day, yet you never break a nail. Bottle that shit and sell it. Then go buy some soap and wash your damn hands.

Extended Explanation Girl:
Although I loved the 30 minutes I got paid to listen to your story about how we need to put paper into the printer. But do you see how I just said that in one sentence?

 

[bakkenlab]

lol last summer i worked in an office with 9 other women, and i was the only guy.

i worked in medical records which involved filing paper into charts and putting them away. These are the women that i had to put up with

the complainer: She would always complain about her grand kids and what awful things they did today (and they were only 2) and would also bit*h about how hard her job was when she had been working there for over 3 years (i was there for 3 months and could do her job with my eyes closed)

the computer illiterate: This one applied to everyone.
"Hey luke my program is stuck on not responding, what do i do?"
"go to the process's and kill it"
"umm whaaaaat?"
**i come over and tell her how to do it**
"ok, right click on your taskbar"
"whats the task bar?"
"That bar at the bottom of your screen"
**she clicks and nothing happens**
"No, you have to RIGHT click"
"ok, now click "start task manager"
** scrolls up and down the menu a good 3 times looking for it**
"ok now on the application that says "not responding" click on it and press end task"
"o nevermind this seems to complicated for us to handle ill just have our IT assistant come look at it"
**WTF???????**

the crush: Gave me puppy eyes every time i walked into the office and would always try to start small talk about the stupidest sh*t known to man.

And god forbid you talk, she would have to agree with everything you say:

**me talking to another employee**:"hey pam have you ever tried mayo on a PP&J?" just to be sarcastic and start small talk
girl chimes in: "omg i love that, its sooooo good!!" thinking that everyone in the world apparently loves it....
^^What the hell is wrong with you^^

the talker: If this girl breathed oxygen she would have to comment on it. shes basically that one friend where you think about inviting to a party but don't, just from the fact that they wouldn't shut up. She would literally talk for 4 hours a day, work for an hour or two and then leave because she had workers comp from a surgery she had.


and no, i am not sexiest. These are just some of the people i had to put up with

 

[ChUcK]

I worked with a guy who once came into the area where I worked with a 1.5 gallon bucket lined with a plastic trash bag. He shat in the bucket, tied it in a knot, then stashed it under the floorboards for 4 hours until he could come back and dispose of it.

Later on, a different guy was operating the trash compactor and got a short shower of shit sprayed all over him, and had to clean it up himself.

Other than that, I've never really had a classically annoying coworker.

 

[AngryAnt]

I had a couple of winners that I forgot about. They've been let go for a while.

The Alien - This guy, with a straight face, tell people he was from another planet. Also, he would corner you in the break room, and in the creepiest way possible, whisper "would you like to make some extra cash?". Turns out he sold Amway, but most people just walked away horrified.

The nut job - This guy would scream, freeze up, and not move for half an hour if you touched him on the shoulder. He claimed he had to reset. Also, he would turn off any "ionic" fans on anybody's desk, claiming they interrupted his brain and prevented him from thinking clearly. Once, he walked around in the morning before anybody had coffee asking "what is the coefficient of friction between water and a solid?". Keep in mind our office has nothing to do with physics programming, but even so, that's a dumb question to randomly ask.

 

[e.blackadder]

I have been lucky to have a single office for some years now, but back in 2000 I shared office with a disgusting fellow. He seemed to always have greasy fingers and would leave prints on my screen, keyboard and mouse. What’s worse I saw him using the loo in the big way and skip washing hands. He would leave leftovers sitting on the desk until they would stink up the room. He was short, overweight and, how can I put it… highly unattractive fellow. He went on and on how he was nothing short of God’s gift to humanity.

One morning he came into the office and said “I had sex”.