To ride or not to ride. Need your help.

[MistahT]

First of all, I'm back y'all. I've probably logged into this website 3 or 4 times a day for the past few years. Then I got real busy. My wife is pregnant with my son and they were both in some trouble BUT THANK GOD THEY'RE BOTH IN THE CLEAR NOW! Wife and future son are doing well, expected delivery October 26.

I love to ride. I ride almost every day and commute on my bike. I always felt like my life was missing something, like I was searching for the last piece of the puzzle to finish putting me together. Riding was that last piece of the puzzle. It makes me feel whole and riding does things to my soul that most people don't understand. I ride almost everyday, ATGATT, and we all like to let loose but I'm not mental like most people think of us. Excluding my wife and son, riding is the most important thing in my life.

This is my problem. The Maryland/DC/Virginia area is dangerous. We have awful traffic and asshole drivers. If I had a dollar for everytime someone almost took me out on the bike I could buy a new one. I know you can get hurt or killed doing just about anything, and the same can happen in the cage... but a fender bender in a car is just scrap metal, even a simple accident can kill someone on a bike.

I feel like I NEED to ride. My wife wants me to keep the bike. I will likely be dropping off and picking up from daycare which means I'll cage every day. A small part of me can't justify the cost of ownership if I ride my bike once or twice a month, especially when we need money thrown into the house. A large part of me feels selfish every time I throw a leg over. My brain says "How selfish of you to put yourself in extra danger when your wife and child depend on you."

Guys and gals, I'm literally losing sleep over this. A gearhead with a boring slow Accord and no bike, I would be super sad. I still dream about riding my motorcycle and have for years. However, part of me says "It's time to nut up and shut up." My son having a father is the most important thing right now.

My brain is going crazy. I'd really appreciate some insight from the people who have been there.

 

[Brent27]

First of all congratulations on the upcoming child and I'm glad that whatever was going on is better now.

Second, take my advice with a grain of salt as I am not a parent and obviously I don't know you.... From what you're posting and the fact you're posting you are really looking for a reason to keep the bike. If your wife is telling you to keep it, then keep it. I can tell it means more to you than you can speak about... it's probably a stress reliever and something for you to do as a hobby. In my opinion, that's going to be more important as you have a child. Being a father, especially an infant is a very stressful thing. You're going to need some time to decompress as will your wife. If you can only get out once a week, that's probably going to help your state of mind which will also help you be a great father. If you don't want to feel selfish, then work out with your wife that for every 2 hours you ride to decompress then you take care of the baby for 2 hours while she does something to decompress.

I imagine if you're not commuting on the bike then when you can ride will be a safer time to ride which may help alleviate those concerns somewhat. I know there is a cost of ownership, but if it's helping you be less stressed, more happy then you can't put a price on that. I've always believed the key to a happy marriage and being a good father is making sure that YOU'RE happy and mentally healthy. Getting there does not always mean it's an activity that includes everyone else... but they will more than a hundred times over receive the benefits from a little time you spend doing your hobby.

Btw, thanks for the help on my bike. I've actually ran across your videos on YouTube and so far the video on installing a fender eliminator was invaluable. I'm sure the other how to's will help me out as I go along.

 

[leem00]

First of all, I'm back y'all. I've probably logged into this website 3 or 4 times a day for the past few years. Then I got real busy. My wife is pregnant with my son and they were both in some trouble BUT THANK GOD THEY'RE BOTH IN THE CLEAR NOW! Wife and future son are doing well, expected delivery October 26.

I love to ride. I ride almost every day and commute on my bike. I always felt like my life was missing something, like I was searching for the last piece of the puzzle to finish putting me together. Riding was that last piece of the puzzle. It makes me feel whole and riding does things to my soul that most people don't understand. I ride almost everyday, ATGATT, and we all like to let loose but I'm not mental like most people think of us. Excluding my wife and son, riding is the most important thing in my life.

This is my problem. The Maryland/DC/Virginia area is dangerous. We have awful traffic and asshole drivers. If I had a dollar for everytime someone almost took me out on the bike I could buy a new one. I know you can get hurt or killed doing just about anything, and the same can happen in the cage... but a fender bender in a car is just scrap metal, even a simple accident can kill someone on a bike.

I feel like I NEED to ride. My wife wants me to keep the bike. I will likely be dropping off and picking up from daycare which means I'll cage every day. A small part of me can't justify the cost of ownership if I ride my bike once or twice a month, especially when we need money thrown into the house. A large part of me feels selfish every time I throw a leg over. My brain says "How selfish of you to put yourself in extra danger when your wife and child depend on you."

Guys and gals, I'm literally losing sleep over this. A gearhead with a boring slow Accord and no bike, I would be super sad. I still dream about riding my motorcycle and have for years. However, part of me says "It's time to nut up and shut up." My son having a father is the most important thing right now.

My brain is going crazy. I'd really appreciate some insight from the people who have been there.

This is going to take some time to respond to...give me a few days to collect my thoughts and respond...I don't have the wife and son...but a girlfriend with three kids... I have also taken time away from motorcycles... I am also debating this right now too...

So again give me a couple of days and I will be back to you..

 

[dart1963]

I've wanted a bike for years as well... six years ago, I finally did it.

I have four kids, all within 2 years, so, I couldn't bring myself to ride until they were older... cost, danger, etc. as well., but time with them growing up is the most important.

I know many mothers and fathers who ride, who also took a break while their children were growing up... they really need your time, so throwing a leg over on the weekends just can't happen and as you say, even commuting in this area is a bigger risk than most. Even a small accident that puts you down for a few weeks multiplies all the headaches when you have toddlers.

As you spend time with them, you'll find that missing piece is more than filled, then as they get older and can do things on their own, you can begin riding again, maybe even get them involved and know the joys of riding and wrenching (my kids like helping do simple things like changing the oil or cleaning the chain).

I also know many parents who don't stop riding, actually get their kids on a little 50cc bike to get them into riding early. They spend time at the track together, go on camping trips, etc... for me though, I just couldn't do that.

 

[MistahT]

maybe even get them involved and know the joys of riding and wrenching (my kids like helping do simple things like changing the oil or cleaning the chain).

I also know many parents who don't stop riding, actually get their kids on a little 50cc bike to get them into riding early. They spend time at the track together, go on camping trips, etc... for me though, I just couldn't do that.

Planning on having them help hand me tools asap.

Always wanted a Power Wheels and never had one growing up. Already have one picked out and read how to add extra batteries to get it to 25mph when they get bigger

 

[SixRFixR]

Your life doesn't end when your kid's life begins. Besides, who wants to have a miserable, boring dad or husband? That's not going to be good for anyone. Wear all the gear, slow it down, pick safer routes, do whatever it takes, but by all means RIDE.

 

[nismos14]

The cost of ownership? If you don't have a loan out, then why not just keep it for the opportunities you DO get to ride? Don't do it as much if you are worried about being there for them.

 

[MistahT]

The cost of ownership? If you don't have a loan out, then why not just keep it for the opportunities you DO get to ride? Don't do it as much if you are worried about being there for them.

For cost I think mainly it's worth 4 grand give or take and I have 2 broken windows and stuff in my house I can fix for that much. Insurance isn't bad but a few hundred bucks a year for a few rides is harder to justify then if I ride everyday. I get where you're coming from though.

 

[nismos14]

As far as insurance, you can take it on and off the very week you want to ride if you wanted to go that route. I don't think its something you should give up, or perhaps you should manifest it into something a bit safer like turning it into a track bike, or getting a cheaper bike that needs work and fixing it up (which you're very good at) and using that, any bike is better than no bike for those once in a while moments when you get a chance to ride.

I expect to be in a similar situation as you soon, if my wife ever gets pregnant.

 

[Scott_Thomas]

My son is 11 now and I have two step-daughters 20 and 22. I wanted to get a bike before I met my wife (right after doing 9 years in the Navy where I never got the chance), but she was struggling financially so it got put on hold until 3 year ago. I pushed a prodded until she couldn't say no anymore (I had my license for about 3 or so years before getting a bike). I spent every second with my son since I worked 2nd shift (3-11) almost from birth till first grade while my wife worked 7-3 or so. If she would have given me the green light then I would have had a bike back then. I sometimes think about the stupid $h1t people do that could end or affect my life greatly and it does scare me. I have no fear of dying, I have a fear of not seeing my son when my time comes. We are beyond close and that scares me more then anything or something happening to him. There are other things that would greatly affect me, but none more then that. I could also die at work, get shot at the atm, crash my truck, etc. etc. etc... He asked me one day if anything scared me (because he tries to scare me all the time, but I always catch him) and I told him exactly what I told you. So, my two cents. Keep the bike unless it would be a problem with your wife (which it's not). Keep you son and wife in your thoughts while your on your bike, but don't let it keep you from living. If you get rid of your bike a part of you will die. I couldn't imagine life without 2 wheels now. Ride safe and one day take the little guy for his first ride. Congrats on the little boy btw. Your life will forever be changed beyond anything you can think of.

 

[alaskanflyboy]

I believe a couple hundred bucks a year to even ride a few times is cheaper per dose than Prozac.

 

[BzB]

Congrats on the pending baby boy. I have two young kids and can tell you being a parent is the best thing in the world. It isn't easy, there's a ton of responsibility and you're faced with a lot of tough decisions. Keeping or selling your bike is just the first seemingly tough decision, but looks like it comes down to a financial one. If you can find a way to solve the financial concerns without selling your bike that's your best bet. Doing something that you might regret in the long run never feels good when you look back on it, but if you're really strapped and options are limited then it may be a sound decision. Even if you ride your bike for 2 hrs once a week on a Sunday or every other week or once a month you may get more pleasure out of that than what the bike is worth. Especially when you start dealing with the rigors of family life, work, etc. It might seem like a tough decision now, but you'll wish they were all this easy in the future lol. Good luck it sounds like you're keeping your priorities in mind.

 

[LKLD]

I stopped riding, in the mid 80's, for the same reasons you are thinking about.
After a while the jonesing for riding stopped, mainly because of family and job obligations. Have been back on a bike since Dec '12, and now my daughter and wife have bikes.

Could have kept riding, and maybe nothing would have happened. However, like you, I couldn't feel like I can take that chance. Listen to your head, the logic you apply will serve you well.

Best of luck, with either decision you choose.

 

[JPaul]

Congratulation on the baby boy and hope so things will be smooth, further in the future.

This thread putt my thoughts on hold for few minutes.

Now looking for the best solution here from mates as this is the common situation for most of the riders.

 

[FastFreddy]

That's awesome.

I'd keep the bike myself. Up to you.

 

[MistahT]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the words and wisdom. I knew we you would mostly be bike-biased, but no one else understands what riding can do to a person.

I definitely can't let the bike go unless we come to a situation where we need to liquidate a few grand. Definitely have been riding safer and will continue that way for the most part. Definitely psyched to meet and raise my son.

Thanks again everyone!!

 

[Brent27]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the words and wisdom. I knew we you would mostly be bike-biased, but no one else understands what riding can do to a person.

I definitely can't let the bike go unless we come to a situation where we need to liquidate a few grand. Definitely have been riding safer and will continue that way for the most part. Definitely psyched to meet and raise my son.

Thanks again everyone!!

Glad to see you made a decision and congrats again on the future son. I think you have a good point, there is always the option to do what's necessary if something comes up. I think over time you'll get used to the ebbs and flows and have the opportunity and more experience to change your approach later if you need to.

 

[Slick]

Sounds like you've answered your own question. But, just in case, what about a track day every couple of months? Still ride hell for leather, great fun, and no cagers!

Congratulations, too!

 

[leem00]

It looks like you have made your decision, one that I would probably agree with.

I am still going to write this up as it may be good for a few other riders down the road.
First I will give you a little history into my bike life…

I have wanted a bike since I was 14 (now 38), parents were dead set against it until I was out of the house…

Fast forward until I was 23, signed of MSF class, bought a non running Honda night hawk 450 from a coworker in the middle of a snow storm, took class, started riding…
So one inexperienced rider accident on the 450 and then boom it went up in a garage fire in December of that year…

Skip to February…Buy my Honda shadow sabre in the middle of a snow storm… I own it for 5 years putting 60,000 miles on the bike… 4 accidents later (2 that should have killed me) parking lot entrance drop – inattention, highway entrance drop – cut off/inattention, hit with pumpkin – inattention/deliberate action of others, loose gravel on chip and seal road – inattention…

During this time I was using the bike as a commuter vehicle and had gotten complacent which is what I believe helped lead to some of the accidents. After the loose gravel and pumpkin accidents I decided it was time to take a break and there were some financial issues too… I sold the shadow and went bike less for about 3-4 years.
Those 4.5 years were some of my most miserable years I longed for a bike almost every day. I will say that it helped me recover financially though.

It also took me a while to find a bike that I was going to like and be comfortable on enter the fz6r. I swear I spent 2 months going to the dealership sitting on it for an hr or 2 at a time. I have had the fz6r for 4 years now, 11,000 miles year one, 11,000 miles year two, 2,200 miles in year 3, and right now we are at about a 1,000 miles in year 4 so far(I am heading to the dragon this week so that should get me up to around 3,000 miles this year).

I spent the last 4 weeks without a bike as the tire was delaminating, the more I was without it the more I thought I really don’t need a bike…well after putting the new skins on it I realized that’s not the case… In fact I appreciate it more..But still don’t find it all that comfortable.

I currently have a gf with three kids (that lives 3 hours away; one way) so riding time has become tougher to find. I think you will find riding time tougher to find over the next 3-6 years with the new little one that is on the way.

My gf wants me to keep my bike and give it to her when I get a new one… which is probably around the corner. ..

So with a gf/wife that wants you to keep the bike… I would do whatever it takes to keep her as number 1.

I would also challenge you to try to not ride the bike for a month (make sure the gf knows you are trying this; incase your attitude and demeanor changes); and see how moth of you feel at the end of the month… then try riding again…. Now how do you feel?

I am pretty sure I could never go more than a year or two without a bike ever again.

So in conclusion keep the bike but make sure the wife and kid are cared for and happy first. I know that sounds like common sense…but well I am sure you know how things are these days..