So I need women help guys, am I in the wrong or what?

[iSpoolin]

Ok guys so me and my girl have been together for a while now, engaged, etc etc

We RARELY do anything apart, unless its her going to her moms or me going riding or what have you.

Well Saturday she is going shopping with a friend in Charleston, which im fine with, no big deal there, i'll just spend the day riding. Anyway, this is where it got me annoyed.

I told her when I stopped I would call her and talk to her for a few minutes, just to hear her voice, tell her I love her, etc etc. She gets pissed.

Says that If I do that then shes not gonna be able to shop or anything or have a good time because its suppose to her day with her friend, Everythings not about me she said.

She done the same thing when her and the same friend had breakfast this morning, she just wants to ignore me for some reason and I don't understand it at all. I trust the girl with everything in me, but I don't like how this is making me feel.

 

[dart1963]

married people stay together longer when they have away time.... my wife goes away for a weekend every year with her friends (now).. I go riding on the weekends, and will be leaving for Indy next... we'll talk once or twice, but that's about it...

I was the opposite, my wife clung to me like white on rice when we first got together... took me forever to get her to realize she didn't have to be with me everywhere we went... makes your time together more special.

give her space man!

 

[Sparkxx1]

Who's the friend? Anyways, I think it's normal what do you expect the friend to do while you guys talk for a few minutes. When I'm with my friends I don't randomly start talking to her or text her

frequently and vice versa. It's just rude and your friends or her friends are going to be stuck there like wdf is this waste of time. Actually I had a case of this last night, my two best friends and I

were hanging out all day long and suddenly my friend's like lets stop by blank park. I'm like that's a waste of time but whatever, anyway he gets there and goes hold on I have to make a phone

call for a few minutes. He leaves for 10 minutes to talk to some girl and I'm like fuck this I'm going home, what the fuck are we still here for. In my opinion its normal, but then again I don't know

who she's hanging out with. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, if she hasn't done anything in the past.

Just like you need space riding, she needs space with her friends. If she called you and you were mid twisties does she expect you to pull over for as long as she wants, just to talk?

 

[JSP]

I wouldnt worry about it bud. This is the time especially (before marriage) to show her you trust her 100%.

My wife and I have had some real bad trust issues in the past. We have never cheated on each other or anything, we just were scared about losing each other that we let that fear consume us and it was killing us and everyone around us. Thank God that we have both matured and learned that time apart IS good. Have been married for 8 years now.

We both have weekends off now and we still do things apart. I go up to the mountains one day fishing, up to the lodge for some food and drink, or a day long motorcycle ride without her. She goes out shopping or with a friend, shopping, or yard sales, or.... shopping. Girls love to shop and they HATE to be interrupted while shopping. I sure wouldnt want my phone ringing every time I am trying to pull a fish in.

Then on the other day, we will usually do something as a family. Go out to a concert, dinner, drinks etc. Hike, or hit the lake again but together.

Just give her some space and see how she acts. Trust her fully unless she gives you a concrete reason not to. Maybe sit down with her and just explain that you were not trying to be clingy and you do want her to go have a good time. Tell her that the thought of her will be plenty to keep you goin instead. Maybe slip her an extra $50 too. haha. Money talks

 

[iSpoolin]

married people stay together longer when they have away time.... my wife goes away for a weekend every year with her friends (now).. I go riding on the weekends, and will be leaving for Indy next... we'll talk once or twice, but that's about it...

I was the opposite, my wife clung to me like white on rice when we first got together... took me forever to get her to realize she didn't have to be with me everywhere we went... makes your time together more special.

give her space man!

I see where your coming from, I understand the give each other space thing, and I don't mind that. I just like to here from her and make sure she's ok, and let her know I haven't crashed or anything and that i'm fine. She usually ask me to stop and call her so that she knows that i'm ok, since she worries about me riding, i guess the change in the way she wants things done is freaking me out a little bit.

I trust her with everything, and I know she'd never cheat on me, hang out/talk to other guys when she was out or anything like that, thats not my concern, I was just confused on why she wouldn't want to here from me for the 5-7 hours we'll be apart.

Who's the friend? Anyways, I think it's normal what do you expect the friend to do while you guys talk for a few minutes. When I'm with my friends I don't randomly start talking to her or text her

frequently and vice versa. It's just rude and your friends or her friends are going to be stuck there like wdf is this waste of time. Actually I had a case of this last night, my two best friends and I

were hanging out all day long and suddenly my friend's like lets stop by blank park. I'm like that's a waste of time but whatever, anyway he gets there and goes hold on I have to make a phone

call for a few minutes. He leaves for 10 minutes to talk to some girl and I'm like fuck this I'm going home, what the fuck are we still here for. In my opinion its normal, but then again I don't know

Its her best friend, they've been friends for a long time, she has a boyfriend too

and honestly I do that, if she calls I answer, and I constantly text her, my friends do the same thing so no biggie.

 

[iSpoolin]

I wouldnt worry about it bud. This is the time especially (before marriage) to show her you trust her 100%.

My wife and I have had some real bad trust issues in the past. We have never cheated on each other or anything, we just were scared about losing each other that we let that fear consume us and it was killing us and everyone around us. Thank God that we have both matured and learned that time apart IS good. Have been married for 8 years now.

We both have weekends off now and we still do things apart. I go up to the mountains one day fishing, up to the lodge for some food and drink, or a day long motorcycle ride without her. She goes out shopping or with a friend, shopping, or yard sales, or.... shopping. Girls love to shop and they HATE to be interrupted while shopping. I sure wouldnt want my phone ringing every time I am trying to pull a fish in.

Then on the other day, we will usually do something as a family. Go out to a concert, dinner, drinks etc. Hike, or hit the lake again but together.

Just give her some space and see how she acts. Trust her fully unless she gives you a concrete reason not to. Maybe sit down with her and just explain that you were not trying to be clingy and you do want her to go have a good time. Tell her that the thought of her will be plenty to keep you goin instead. Maybe slip her an extra $50 too. haha. Money talks

Thanks for that Jay, that's basically the same boat we are in. This whole relationship thing is just hard for me, I myself have trust issues because i've had girls do me wrong in the past. I trust hannah completely, nothing wrong there. She has made me mad a few times though lol

I guess I just need to have a big talk with her about it.

 

[rahuljp]

Spoolin... I had this problem in reverse... with my previous gf's I was used to not calling/talking if we were apart, but my gf (now wife) used to call me during work, before or after... needed to check in... and she used to get annoyed if I didnt... told her I dont work that way... with a lil compromise, I call to check in sometimes, she also knows I dont call all the time...

Now with regards to you calling her on the day apart... I insisted with my wife that we need time apart... especially since nwo that we work at the same company.. we also commute together... so we have agreed on time apart... the problem is sometimes she calls when I'm hanging out with the guys... and I'm not very conversational... which gets her mad... and I explain... i dont like being on the phone, when the guys are waiting around for me... so maybe thats the reason why...

Go with the flow and enjoy the freedom... dont check in... it'll help you out!

 

[rr_double_rr]

Every relationship is different, bro. What works for me, or another guy, may or may not work for you. I'm sure you know that already, but that's my biggest advice.

I would sit down with her one day, over dinner, or whatever and talk about it. Make sure that the TV is off and the phones are ignored during the talk. Be calm and level headed, and don't let her degenerate into a fight either. Try to find out why she is wanting this time alone, rather than "she just needs it." Even if she can't put it into coherent words, ask her to fumble it around and try to explain it. She may use phrases or words that can come across as hurtful, but listen to what she is meaning than what she is saying. My suspicion is that she is just looking to partition a part of her life back off from you after spending so much time with you. There's nothing wrong with that. Instead of calling her while you're out riding, send her a text message. That way she can look at it without responding.

Riding is dangerous, and she should understand that when you call to check in, it's so that she knows about where you are and when you should be home. That way if something does happen, she knows where to start looking and if you've missed your target time. There's a compromise to be had here, and I'm sure you can find it.

Sit her down and talk with her calmly and openly. That will fix 98% of your problems.

 

[Soapartist]

I told her when I stopped I would call her and talk to her for a few minutes, just to hear her voice, tell her I love her, etc etc. She gets pissed.

Ok, I'm an old lady , and I guess I'm the ideal one to respond.
yes, I get a little irritated when my husband texts or calls when I'm out shopping with the girls. I don't mind a single text once in a while, but if he starts to text me his every move, it gets really annoying... I just tell him not to worry about me, I'll be home around whatever time.
He took the hint, that it wasn't that I didn't care, but that I just wanted the space. So now I'll go shopping, he doesn't worry about me or if I'm going to be there for dinner.
I don't want to be on anyone elses time schedule, and I don't want anyone expecting me home for dinner, or asking me about it. When I come home I share all the details when I get there, which most times he is only half interested anyway
If you hold on too tightly, you become smothering, and drive people away... give her space. Unless she has given you reason not to trust her, your actions by worrying say that you don't.
What I would suggest is if you have a phone at your home base, call that phone and leave a message of whatever content you want or need to leave. That way, if she wants to hear from you, she can take the initiative and call the house voicemail to retrieve messages.
It's nothing personal when she says she just wants to go shopping, its just her time, and it's only a few hours of space away from each other.
If something does happen to you, I'm sure someone will contact her immediately, and vise versa....

 

[Sirnice]

Reasons I really like this forum. You guys are truly a great community and talk about/give advice about anything under the sun. :wav:

 

[Marthy]

My guess is if she want some time alone with her friends, let it be! If she's happy, she will come back. If she don't... better find out earlier then later. As long as she understand that double standard is not acceptable. What is good for one, is good for the other.

My wife use to call me every 45 minutes and if I was late 10 minutes the phone was ringing off the hook, both (I have a blackberry for work) Things have mellow down quite a lot and now I can go take a piss without having to call her... LOL

Like I told my wife few times. We are 2 individual into a great relationship. There's a lot of thing that we do together... but we still need a little bit of time apart to do whatever. My wife had a girl night out 2 weeks ago. She got back around 3:30 or so. She woke me up and... Can't wait for the next girl night out!!! LOL

 

[madmike]

I guess I just need to have a big talk with her about it.

I think that misses the oint a little. Don't make it into a big thing, or have a serious sit down talk...that's gonna make her eyes roll back into her head even more. Make it a little talk, or no talk at all...just change your behavior.

What others said is true. Your relationship will be way better if you take your time away. My wife does stuff with her friends all the time, and so do I. She wants to go away for the weekend, no problem. She's gone home to visit her family without me plenty of times, and they live overseas. Now we both expect to stay in touch on the phone to make sure we're OK, that we got to places safely, etc. But your fiance will find that acceptable if you aren't hanging over her the rest of the time.

If you and she don't have lives of your own, your lives together will become miserable. After a year of marriage, you literally won't have squat to talk about over a nice dinner out.

She got miffed about the call because it was a way of you butting in to her non-existent away time. But if she regularly gets her own away time, then she won't mind the calls. The calls make sense...when you are riding to tell her you are OK, etc. So you need to create an environment where she doesn't mind the calls. Or, you can do what I do, and that's just send a text that says "I made it home in one piece."

 

[XTRAWLD]

With past b/f's I have always felt that when they call when they know I'm out it feels like they are checking in with me (to see what I'M DOING, not what he's doing), and has a bit of lacking of trust factor. So I would do it to them, because they did it to me.....and then it becomes a never ending thing of calling/trusting and eventually becomes really annoying. Perhaps this is why she got a little pissed.

My hubby and I have no problems because he was never overbearing like some other b/f's I've had. If he's out for a ride and I need to get in touch with him, I bbm him and he will get back to me when he stops or has signal. Otherwise I just let him have fun with the guys and he lets me do the same when I'm out and about on my own.

 

[Nastybutler]

While I agree with everyone else that some space is a good thing, what strikes me as odd is that she got upset when you mentioned you'd be calling. I can understand not wanting to be interrupted, but that doesn't seem like an appropriate response from what I can tell by your description. Why didn't she just politely ask you to send a quick text instead?

So since I don't know all the background that led up to this I can't really hazard a guess on why she got upset, but you might want to explore the reason behind that. I've listened to enough Loveline to know that's sometimes a symptom of a bigger issue.

 

[Deanohh]

There will come a time when it will be a relief to get away from it all for a day or even an afternoon.... without having to care about each other's every move.... its too much pressure and mental wear and tear. Be glad she has friends to go shopping with. YOU DON'T want to be the shopping companion, take my word for it. Why do you have to talk or text all the time anyway? You don't have to be a "couple" in everything you do. Enjoy your separate time while you have a chance... and let her enjoy hers. If you don't you will drive each other crazy.

 

[Detrich]

sounds like it's that time of the month... <lol> that's usually when the illogical things start happening...

at the risk of sounding like a pig, allow me to say (tongue-in-cheek of course) that from a man's perspective that "all women are basically- insane. u just find one who's insanity u can tolerate and that allows u to play with ur toys."

 

[AngryAnt]

Been married happily over 8 years. My 2 cents? Keep your mouth shut, nod, 'yes ma'am', let her spend the day / weekend with her friends, and when she gets back, smile and ask if she had a good time

/don't try to impart logic on your significant other, it just won't work.

Edit: I'll add that she probably had stress from family or work or whatever, and came home and let us loose on you when you asked at the wrong time. I wouldn't worry too much about women and odd behavior (men are plenty guilty too). Sh*t happens.

 

[SAFE-T]

I was just confused on why she wouldn't want to hear from me for the 5-7 hours we'll be apart.

Because she has learned you are not a goof who is likely to crash and maim yourself.

 

[DragonBlu]

If you love her,set her free. she'll come back. Woman have to have their space too. If she don't come back,hunt her down and drag her back to the cave dude! Thirty five years of marriage and sometimes it's nice to have her shopping!

 

[FZ1inNH]

rr_double_rr said it best... every relationship is different. :thumbup:

25 years together, my wife and I... We're not just married, we are the very best friend for each other. We ride together. We do everything together. 95% of our time outside of work is spent together. It's a rare occasion that we are doing something separate. She and I would rather come home from work to each other than spend time with others. We are simply THAT compatible, that's all. This doesn't work for the majority of couples/marriages out there.

However, if she wants space, I give it to her and she does the same for me. That is OK and we trust each other 100%. Taking that time away isn't because we need a break from each other, it is more likely because there are a few times when one of us doesn't want to do what the other really wants to do, or, it could be one of the very few things we each like as individuals but not together.

I wouldn't read much into it with a wedding coming. This is an extremely emotional time for her and she needs space. Maybe you are smothering her a bit.

Laugh a lot with her but never AT her. And remember... there's only two words that will keep a marriage running smooth.... "Yes Dear."